A lot of people have asked me how I reconciled my Mormon values and beliefs with being gay. I've created this page of my website to try and answer that question. Please note that these are my own, personal beliefs and I do not intend to persuade anyone to agree with them. In other words, "This is what's right for Mike."
I joined the Mormon Church (a.k.a. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) a week before my 20th birthday, or on August 30th, 1987. My father baptized me and confirmed me a member of the Church.
I joined the Mormon faith because I believed that it held the truth with respect to God. Though I felt that many of the doctrines I was taught in the religion were true, I of course struggled with the teachings about homosexuality.
I had a couple of gay encounters while I was a member of the Mormon Church, and there are bishops scattered here and there that are aware of my same sex attraction. Each time I would confess my attraction to them, I was told to pray, fast, date more LDS women, attend the temple more often, immerse myself in service to others, etc. to suppress or even eradicate these feelings. They never went away.
I'm not sure that I was born this way. When I was Mormon, I felt that having been born this way, with the commandments that God had given us in the Bible to be wed to a woman, would be very unjust and unfair. In other words, it would not be fair for God to command us to marry a woman and then have us be born gay. I believe that my homosexual feelings are largely due to the environment I was raised in, such as lack of physical affection from my father, and my repulsiveness toward women due to my mother. But I'm still trying to figure out all of this. For now, I've simply acknowledged the fact that I'm attracted to other men, regardless of the reasons behind it.
It was never a "choice" or "preference" in my life to be this way. When puberty hit, with its incredible sexual drive, I was simply attracted to handsome, muscular men instead of women.
While a member of the Mormon Church, I received my temple endowments. And I have performed all ordinances of the temple multiple times, including sealing as proxy for the dead. I was even a veil worker in the Provo, UT temple for a year.
Because of my temple covenants, particularly living the law of chastity, I knew I either had to live true to these covenants or be relieved of them. My integrity prevented me from knowingly breaking a promise made, whether that promise was made to God, to a church, or to a single man. And so I requested, and was granted, excommunication from the Church on January 5, 2003, in order to be relieved of my covenants.
I knew for a long time that excommunication was the right thing to do. I had prayed about it earnestly, and received confirmation that this was what I should do. I felt a great burden leave my soul when the decision of the council was announced that day. I still know that I did the right thing.
I lived many years as a devout latter-day saint. You could have called me "Michael Mormon" for the strict heed I gave every commandment, and even recommendation, that came from the Church authorities. I served in every capacity with all of my heart and soul, including my two-year mission to Greece (BELOW).
From February through April of 2001 I dated a few guys in Utah that I found online. I stopped in April, told my bishop what was going on, and proceeded through the repentance process. I struggled a lot between February through July of that year on deciding whether I should be Mormon or gay, since both were not compatible. I was finally brought before a Ward Disciplinary Council on July 29, 2001 and disfellowshipped from the Church for at least one year. That was all it took for me to decide. I started "coming out" to my family and friends at that time.
I don't really miss religion, except perhaps for the social side of it. If you've read this far, I hope you were able to get something beneficial out of all of this. (smile) Thanks for taking the time to read.